The day started with choreography for the wedding scene and that is one of the pictures from today. This was fun and creative, simply learning the steps for the different sections of the wedding. What really started the "onslaught" of challenging work came after the dancing. I sat down with Jenny (Veronica), Hollis (Paola), Sheryl and Jeanine to work on perhaps the hardest emotional scene of the show. It is the moment when both the love interests and the mother are at the lowest point emotionally. They have nothing. They are empty. And filled with pain. And from this moment they move into the love duet I wrote about on Day 3 where Jenny cried. As we read through the scene 3 times, we finally moved into the song and my objective was to convince Veronica. My mind was filled with so many questions about the scene and I wondered if we were going to sing or not and all of a sudden I found myself singing and trying to find the intention and commit to the scene but I was not entirely present. And when it came time for Jenny to sing back to me, she said I didn't convince her and she wasn't going to sing. I was crushed. I felt so upset, sad, mad all at the same time. What does she mean? She can't do that? Why? How? What? I was lost. And I knew she was right. I didn't do what was needed. And I found my ego wanting to be mad at Jenny but realized she was exactly right. I had to try harder -- work harder. And we went to work on the scene again. I wanted to try the song again. I wanted to prove I could do it. But Sheryl went back to the scene. She is a genius in this way. If I had tried to go back and sing the song, I would have been lost in my personal emotions and not have achieved anything or progressed at all. We went back to the scene and Sheryl pulled me away from the table and asked me to yell in Jenny's face and scream one specific line in her face. We went back to the table and began the scene again. I got up when I was supposed to and yelled at her, screaming at her. And the scene started to click into place. It was by no means perfect, but things started to fall into place. The yelling forced me to get to the emotional place needed. And once I gave over to the scene, the words started making sense.
I walked back home for our dinner break really frustrated. I felt incapable and young. Why did Hollis and Jenny nail their beats? Why did they have the right answers? Why could I not go to emotional places Jenny reached? And then I realized that I am learning. I am growing. And I need to make mistakes, to make the weaker choices to learn how to make the stronger choices. I was pushed a lot during that hour and made more discoveries than I ever could have if I didn't get any criticism.
When I returned, I was ready to work hard. I wanted to feel proud of my work for the day and I decided I would commit to all of my work for the rest of the night. Sheryl told us a story on the first day about an actor taking a breath at the rehearsal door and letting everything go and entering the space ready to work with a clear head and devote himself to the work. So I took a breath at the Barber Theater door and entered the space ready to work and work and work. Sheryl, Jeff (Pietro) and myself went into the South rehearsal room and worked on our two scenes (father and son). We made really incredible discoveries about the relationship and the scenes worked beautifully. I then sang "City of Lies" to him lightly and really tried to tell him how I felt. All of a sudden the song took on a whole new purpose and Sheryl told me thank you for showing her a side of that song she had never seen. It was really awesome. I felt so frustrated with acting at one moment today and then so exhilarated by the power of committed acting.
There was so much more that I could write about, but I think this post is getting rather long. Today was just such a huge educational experience and I am so fortunate to get to learn with such brilliant artists. I am beyond tired and drained, but I feel like I grew so much today and I couldn't be more inspired with creating art. - Jason Heymann
(photos of script with my notes and scenes from today's rehearsal)
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