Rehearsal Day 6, June 29th

Today I was reminded of the technique of acting. Yes, there is character work and emotional work required, but there also is extensive technique that, when done well, is not perceptible to most audiences.

In my acting class this year, which is strictly devoted to the technique, my friends and I learned that often you can get lost in the technical aspects of acting. It takes years and years to build your craft before you really can perform technical aspects habitually. I was reminded today about those technical aspects that, as a young artist, initially frustrated me, but that I also recognize as crucial in their importance. It is good for me to be aware of these elements and always be checking myself.

First off, I was reminded today that we are in a thrust space and have to perform on angles and be aware of the audience all around us. We have to tell the story to everyone -- not just the middle section of the house. The other element I was reminded of was my voice. I often fall into a "performance voice" and I get more in my head instead of my chest. In my role as a leading man, I have to match my speaking voice to my look, and it is a challenge to put my voice into my chest. I have to work at it constantly. I found the voice for Billy Bigelow in Carousel this past winter and I now have to find Marco's voice for Dangerous Beauty. That is just as important as anything else.

It was great to be reminded of both technicalities and that it is all part of the process. - Jason Heymann


(first three photos are moments from today's rehearsal; the final photo reflects zip-up corsets that are actual costume pieces for the show.)

Rehearsal Day 5, June 28th

Today showed me how art is therapy. We were working on the scene before the song "If I Were You" and the song itself. This is the moment when Marco is turned down once again by Veronica and he is reaching rock bottom. His Uncle confronts him and asks why he is not fighting harder to get her. Marco responds with what he has been told by his father and his uncle advises differently. Marco is confused and says "First they tell you to rise above love. Now you say call love back again. How, Uncle? How on earth?" Then his Uncle sings to him perhaps the most beautiful song in the show. "Love's a rare emotion that never touches some. Still, it is as close to God as most of us will ever come," he sings.

As Peter (Dominco) sang this to me, I began to tear up. It spoke to me in ways I had never understood the song. Art can provide a different lens to look at our own life. Yesterday I personally needed to hear that song and I know that these personal emotions will only help me fill out the character I am creating.

The life of an artist asks you to go deep inside yourself to places that you often hide, are too scared to confront or sometimes don't know how to confront. But in accepting the responsibility of an artist, we must be brave, take a deep breathe and open ourselves up. And in that way, it becomes almost therapy. Again and again I am reminded how lucky I am to have the process. - Jason Heymann

Rehearsal Day 4, June 27th

I have never worked so hard as an actor. I am exhausted tonight as I write this. It is not so much that I am tired physically as much as it is emotionally. I feel drained. And it was a really good day for me as an actor. I admit, there were times where I was so upset or so frustrated, but I was pushed constantly for eight hours and made some great discoveries along the way.

The day started with choreography for the wedding scene and that is one of the pictures from today. This was fun and creative, simply learning the steps for the different sections of the wedding. What really started the "onslaught" of challenging work came after the dancing. I sat down with Jenny (Veronica), Hollis (Paola), Sheryl and Jeanine to work on perhaps the hardest emotional scene of the show. It is the moment when both the love interests and the mother are at the lowest point emotionally. They have nothing. They are empty. And filled with pain. And from this moment they move into the love duet I wrote about on Day 3 where Jenny cried. As we read through the scene 3 times, we finally moved into the song and my objective was to convince Veronica. My mind was filled with so many questions about the scene and I wondered if we were going to sing or not and all of a sudden I found myself singing and trying to find the intention and commit to the scene but I was not entirely present. And when it came time for Jenny to sing back to me, she said I didn't convince her and she wasn't going to sing. I was crushed. I felt so upset, sad, mad all at the same time. What does she mean? She can't do that? Why? How? What? I was lost. And I knew she was right. I didn't do what was needed. And I found my ego wanting to be mad at Jenny but realized she was exactly right. I had to try harder -- work harder. And we went to work on the scene again. I wanted to try the song again. I wanted to prove I could do it. But Sheryl went back to the scene. She is a genius in this way. If I had tried to go back and sing the song, I would have been lost in my personal emotions and not have achieved anything or progressed at all. We went back to the scene and Sheryl pulled me away from the table and asked me to yell in Jenny's face and scream one specific line in her face. We went back to the table and began the scene again. I got up when I was supposed to and yelled at her, screaming at her. And the scene started to click into place. It was by no means perfect, but things started to fall into place. The yelling forced me to get to the emotional place needed. And once I gave over to the scene, the words started making sense.

I walked back home for our dinner break really frustrated. I felt incapable and young. Why did Hollis and Jenny nail their beats? Why did they have the right answers? Why could I not go to emotional places Jenny reached? And then I realized that I am learning. I am growing. And I need to make mistakes, to make the weaker choices to learn how to make the stronger choices. I was pushed a lot during that hour and made more discoveries than I ever could have if I didn't get any criticism.

When I returned, I was ready to work hard. I wanted to feel proud of my work for the day and I decided I would commit to all of my work for the rest of the night. Sheryl told us a story on the first day about an actor taking a breath at the rehearsal door and letting everything go and entering the space ready to work with a clear head and devote himself to the work. So I took a breath at the Barber Theater door and entered the space ready to work and work and work. Sheryl, Jeff (Pietro) and myself went into the South rehearsal room and worked on our two scenes (father and son). We made really incredible discoveries about the relationship and the scenes worked beautifully. I then sang "City of Lies" to him lightly and really tried to tell him how I felt. All of a sudden the song took on a whole new purpose and Sheryl told me thank you for showing her a side of that song she had never seen. It was really awesome. I felt so frustrated with acting at one moment today and then so exhilarated by the power of committed acting.

There was so much more that I could write about, but I think this post is getting rather long. Today was just such a huge educational experience and I am so fortunate to get to learn with such brilliant artists. I am beyond tired and drained, but I feel like I grew so much today and I couldn't be more inspired with creating art. - Jason Heymann

(photos of script with my notes and scenes from today's rehearsal)

Rehearsal Day 3, June 25th

Today I am going to write about the work session I had with Jenny Powers (Veronica) on the two songs our characters sing together. The first one we worked on was "I Would Love You Now." We started with the scene and Jenny had her back turned to me. As I sang the first verse, she slowly turned to look at me and was crying. I felt the impulse to smile -- I was taken aback. I wasn't happy to see her cry obviously, but I think I found myself shocked and that energy manifested in me wanting to deflect the shock. I kept singing to her and as the song went on, I found myself wanting to apologize with the words, make her feel better, fix "things." By the time we got to the end, we were holding each other and neither of us sang the last line.

First of all, it is very hard to play these scenes in a room filled with people staring at you. But I am finding more and more that you just have to go for it and not worry about what is going on around you. We have a job as the actors and that is what we should focus on. Jenny does this so well -- she is so ready to give over to her emotions and just make choices freely regardless of who is watching. I am challenging myself to really follow her in this way.

Second, this experience was surreal. Sheryl talked to Jenny for a while about the scene. Jenny commented that when she started this scene three years ago, she saw it through a completely different lens. Now, she "gets it." This makes total sense to me. I have to admit, it makes me worried. I found myself questioning. Do I have the personal experience to understand this? Am I capable of feeling these emotions? And then I realized that of course I do and of course I can. I know I have felt these intense feelings in my personal life. The struggle is allowing myself to access those feelings to understand how they work and then bring that into the scene.

"It's so selfish of him," I said to Sheryl. "Ah -- that is Jason passing judgment on this character," Sheryl retorted. She was right. She made me squirm for a while trying to figure out what was going on with my character. "Jealousy," I decided. "Deeper than that," she replied. I struggled and then, "pain." It all clicked. Marco is operating from a place of pain. It literally is killing him to see the woman he deeply loves sleeping with other men. He cannot live another day with this situation. It is killing him. It hurts him. And he needs her. And I found myself beginning to tear up. I found myself where Jenny was. It was a matter of prodding, digging deep, and allowing myself to go to those places. Perhaps this is why people do art, watch art, live for art -- it is therapy and makes us all feel better as we deal with human truths.

It was a really difficult hour and I was pushed a lot, but I am beginning to find Marco and get to where I need to be. Day off tomorrow so that should be good to sit with my script and figure out Marco's arc. I am struggling with the last 20 pages and what happens to this character. I am meeting with Jeanine and Sheryl tomorrow to talk about it all. How lucky to create a character's arc with the director and writer of a musical and my feelings and thoughts will help guide this character into a fully fleshed out role. Lucky. - Jason Heymann

Rehearsal Day 2, June 24th

"We are making art, friend." This is the comment Peter Oyloe (Maffio) said to me as the ensemble worked together with the creative team on the "salon sequence." That line could not have summed up today any better.

I can't lie -- today was hard. I suppose that is the great thing about Sheryl Kaller as our director -- she gets right to work. Day two and we were bouncing off ideas; debating what sounds, movements, lines worked; and struggling to create the exact style for which our show is aiming. I really began to see the process of working on a new musical today, because typically in another show that has been done, there is no cause to define style. The show has been done before. But with Dangerous Beauty, we are creating the entire world out of nothing. We have an empty palette and it is the physical people in the rehearsal space that will collaborate and create a whole piece of art.

Every one of our energies, if you will, have an effect on how things take shape. Choreography typically is taught to you -- the choreographer explains what moves are needed and you do them. Today we were asked to play, to experiment, to just "go with it" and see where it takes us. A few of us found ourselves asking, "well what do we do here" or "what is the count for this move" and the response we got back was "I don't know" or "don't worry about that right now." It was a little backwards for us Northwestern students, but soon we got the hang of it and realized we are creating with the team. The "solutions" will come in time, but to get there, we have to try many things. We are beginning to understand the possibilities are endless, which of course, is heaven for artists.

Sword fighting, rehearsal skirts, creating the wedding dance and a costume fitting are the pictures posted. Also, the costume fitting with incredible. Just the simple detail of the muslin pieces was impressive. The layers and layers of clothing started to really illuminate the time period and I said to Virgil Johnson (costume designer) as I tried on the huge orange war cape that I could understand why war was such an ordeal back then and so glorified -- I felt important with the breast plate and huge train behind me. It was, in a way, exhilarating. As my acting teacher would say, "store it up!" That feeling will be helpful for creating my character. - Jason Heymann

Rehearsal Day 1, June 23rd

Today's rehearsal was truly awesome. It began with an informal meet-and-greet and the excitement was so present in the air. We finally sat down after introducing ourselves to each other and listened to Stuart Oken (American Music Theatre Project artistic director) and Sheryl Kaller (director) both say a few words about the project. Love for this material was present in both of their speeches. It was apparent from the get-go that this show had a heart like no show I have ever experienced. Sheryl then gave us the gift of Amanda McBroom (lyrics) singing her song, "The Rose." It left many of us in tears. It was no less than magical. Then we had design presentations from the set and costume designers. We were flabbergasted with the intricate designs, pages of research and smart choices they presented us with. The designs look stunning. I took a few pictures of the costume renderings (pictured at the end of this post). We all cannot wait to actually wear them. Then a read-/sing-through followed; the show with its re-writes is terrific. It was great to finally say the words and sing the songs out loud and tell the story of Dangerous Beauty with all parties involved. There was a sense of "we are doing something great." It was the perfect first rehearsal.

The night closed with an intimate discussion between Peter Oyloe (Maffio), Jenny Powers (Veronica) myself (Marco), Sheryl, Jeannie Dominy (book and verse) and Doug Peck (music director). Together as creative artists, we talked about our characters arcs, scenes that worked, backstories that needed defining and we brought up issues we all felt needed addressing. Together as a team, we will fix them. It is a collaborative process like no other and I left rehearsal today feeling so fortunate for this is a real piece of art and how lucky we all are to create in this environment.

I look forward to what tomorrow holds. - Jason Heymann










(photos: Dangerous Beauty costume renderings and behind-the-scenes at first rehearsal)